I'd Like to Say 10%

Pet Peeve #1: weddings

As a pastor, weddings are one of my least favorite things to do. It's not that they are a ton of work or that I don't like the service; what I don't like is the expectations.

Inevitably the first 3 questions someone asks when they inquire about my officiating at their wedding are: i) how many people does your building seat? ii) how much does it cost? and iii) can I see the church? No one has EVER asked me: i) can I make a contribution to the church for this service? ii) what will it mean for us to invite God into this marriage? or iii) are you open to us coming to worship on Sundays?

The first wedding I did was for a couple that lived in a neighbouring town. The groom was the son of a parishioner. Dutifully, in order to facilitate pre-marriage counseling, I drove an hour to their home and an hour back on 6 separate occasions. My "take" on that wedding was $40 which didn't even cover my gas. I learned from that experience.

Our church now asks for $150 "donation" to the church and $150 for the pastor. But, sometimes I'd like to say to couples the fee is 10%. "Uh... 10% of what pastor?" they'd ask. To which I would answer "10% of the total cost of your wedding." At which point I wouldn't have to do the wedding anymore because they'd be out the door faster than you can say jackrabbit.

Somehow people think that the church should be available to marry whomever, whenever, where ever they wish. I once had someone ask me if I could marry them in the local United Church. "it has a nicer and larger interior" was their reasoning. Being Lutheran I wondered what the United Church pastor might have to say about that.

The problem is, people view the church like any other consumer service. If Walmart doesn't have what you want you go to Sears. If one church doesn't have the pastor you like or the building to set off the day then keep shopping. For so many people getting married is all about the dress, the flowers, the isle length. People tell me they don't want a "religious" service or to make a big deal of the wedding but, in the same breath they'll spend an hour taping pew markers to be straight. A pastor friend of mine was once asked if "all that stuff could be moved out of the way;" the "stuff" in question was the pulpit, altar, and font.

When I ask people why they want to get married in the church again there are usually 3 responses: i) they give the "right" answer in a canned speech, ii) they tell me grandma/grandpa (or insert other significant relative name here) insists on it, or iii) where else is there to get married? I always tell people they have the option of calling the marriage commissioner, he'll do the service without the religion and you can name the place.

Now, lest you think I'm bitter or in it for the money that's not it at all. It's just that people seem to have a very skewed understanding of the role of the church in the community. The church is not a service provider (marry, bury, baptize) but, a faith developer. It's a place to come a meet God and through ongoing visits build a relationship. Like a marriage, that takes time and commitment.

Perhaps the church should get out of the wedding business altogether. Perhaps the church should say "Oh, we don't do weddings anymore, you'll have to have a civil wedding but, you can come back to the church later, when you're ready for a service of blessing." My guess is that lots of couples would never bother to come back but, others would. They would come back when they were ready to take the next step of commitment in their relationship, when they were ready to share their spouse with God, when they were ready to be more serious about their future, when they wanted to deepen their relationship. I'd be happy to do that service, gratis.

NMW

In the Bread Isle

Earlier this year, one day I spent all morning in court. I went to support a woman who had her children taken away from her primarily because of mental illness.

While it was a worthy cause it nonetheless frustrated me because, I had so many other things on my list of stuff to do. In fact this woman had been taking up a lot of my time lately. Aggravated, I dropped her off at home after lunch and decided to stop in for some groceries before I went home.

So, I get my car, head into the store, pick up some apples and such which naturally leads me to the bread isle. Now, my spouse is kinda particular about bread. He like whole wheat but, not "bird seed" bread. He likes some brands better than others and he hates it if it's squished at all. So there I am examining the bounty of loaves trying to decide which is a safe bet ... and... I pick up a loaf of Wonder whole wheat.

"Excuse me," he said "you really shouldn't buy that kind, it's full of all kinds of chemicals, it's not good for you." My reply sounded sort of guilty, as if I was caught with a copy of Penthouse in my hands "Oh, it's not for me." What happened next was nothing short of a new experience for me in grocery shopping.

"Do you know about the real bread?" he asked.

All I wanted was to buy a few things and be on my way and now I had run into some religious freak lurking in the bread section for potential converts. Nice strategy. However, I thought I'd surprize him with an unexpected answer "Why yes, I do know about Jesus. I'm a pastor." (silently saying to myself - "that otta shut him up." It usually does with most people.)

He looked at me hard with his old eyes for a few seconds and then he said "God is pleased with what you're doing right now. Your work is pleasing to him. All heaven rejoices because of what you've done."

I was speechless. I had just come from a morning that felt unproductive and frustrating. I had just been debating whether I was really "helping" the mentally ill woman or not. I was just thinking how I could weasel my way out of spending so much time with her. He had no idea of all the stuff that was occupying my thoughts but, his words were like locusts and honey to me; they tasted sweet and yet odd and I wasn't sure I wanted to accept them. But I did. His words encouraged me to trust my heart and to remember those who cannot help themselves.

Then he asked if he could pray for me. "Of course." That was my cue, I could thank him and he'd be off to pray for me somewhere, sometime. BUT NO - right there in the middle of the bread section he starts praying OUT LOUD. At that point I had nothing to lose and humbly said to myself, thy will be done. And so he did, he prayed. I don't remember exactly what he said but, I do know it felt ok.

"My name's John." he said as he handed me his card. "I"m just passin' through." And off he went into the wilderness.

You never know just what can happen in the bread isle.

NMW

Moving AGAIN!

Good grief! I can't believe we're moving again. You know I've never lived in ONE home for longer than 5 years. It's true. Some people are born and die in the same home.

This time we're moving within the area but, to a different place that has one characteristic we always go for in a home: it's a "handyman special." Oh yeah, we are the masters at such places. We buy 'em rough and fix 'em up. And when we just about get them to the point where we can relax and enjoy the fruit of our labors....
... we sell again!

I remember once we bought this little old house in a little old town and moved right in after we figured out the lock on the door (it was a butter knife slid behind the door molding.) When the "parents" came to inspect they just shook their heads. That was home #12 for me.

Then we bought a smaller house that had a furnace as big as 3 coffins stacked up. We figured if we ever updated the heating system we'd gain enough space to put in a bathroom.

That house was only about 720 ft2. Then we moved to a "big" house of 1350 ft2; which bring me to another point. If there's one thing I've learned in owning a home it's the law of "filling." That's right - what ever space you have you will fill it whether you need the crap or not. When we moved from 720 ft2 to 1350 ft2 it only took us about a year to fill every closet, bedroom and cupboard with junk.

So guess what? Today I've been going through every one of those cupboards and closets in a purging frenzy. I am motivated - tomorrow is the church garage sale. Some lucky dog can fill up their place with the stuff.

Lifetime home count come August: 16.

NMW

Christmas Letters

I'm taking a poll:
Do you write and send an annual family or personal Christmas letter?
And/or
Do you like getting the same?

I dont' really care but geeze, these have to be just about the most dishonest form of communication that ever existed. I'm sure you've read ones like I have that proclaim "little Timmy's the captain of the football team" and "Suzy's first clarinet." "Daddy just got a promotion" or "mommy's apple pie won first prize at the fair."

People write about the good stuff - babies, achievements, awards, good grades, engagements, new homes, vacations, winning the lottery. It's as if we measure our success or who we are by how shiney our car is. Ugh!

Just once I'd like to get an honest letter. It might sound something like this:

2007 has been a challenging year for the Smith family. Jenny failed grade 9 and Tom got caught smoking pot (he says he didn't inhale.) To top off that nonsense Jim and I were on the brink of separating because we were at odds over whether I should take a promotion or not. On the positive side we did get a new computer but, it promptly got some mega virus that cost us mega bucks to get cleaned up. We had a vacation booked to Mexico in March but, that fell through when grandma died. Now we've got to move grandpa to a home and he's not too happy about that. Still we're hoping for a Merry Christmas and a better New Year.

Ok - maybe that's too depressing but, you get my point. Sometimes I read those letters and I wonder what these people were on. Maybe I could get some.

If all we are about is showing off how wonderful we and our kids and our lives are then it's no wonder we live in a "one up" society. Maybe, just maybe, if we could speak honestly about the not so wonderful parts of life we would find others share our experience. That might be the beginning of a better world.

NMW

Virgin Posting

So... I'm in to blogging.

Never thought I'd do this but, I guess I could say that about many things. So to anyone who reads on - I hope to post musing and frustrations and joys and pain. I hope to be honest in the safety of Anonymity. I also hope this doesn't get outta hand but, we'll see where divine wisdom takes this.

NMW